i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
