i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
