honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
