I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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