I just pynch a tree in the face
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
