Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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