Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
