She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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