well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
