I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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