He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
