she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
