Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Randomize
