they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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