I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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