how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
