I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
