It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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