if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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