he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
