My sheets look like a crime scene.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
