Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
