what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
