happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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