So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
