I love black thongs
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I could fuck to npr.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
