i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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