Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
