I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
