So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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