he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
