hotel room ftw
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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