there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
