I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
