my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
this just has baby written all over it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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