She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
