I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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