sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
