My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
