he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
accomplished twins. life is a go
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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