matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
