I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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