You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
