is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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