i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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