I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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