I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
