i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
