he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
