she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
