yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
