no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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