Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
