Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
