i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
